January 2, 1999
I'm scared. My husband is getting more resentful lately and I'm afraid that he's planning to lash out here soon.

I still don't have hot water to do laundry or dishes yet, but I do have several scratches from falling into some old boards with nails in them that are in the garage. Luckily, I had a tetanus booster shot about 5 years ago. On the bright side, I do know what I need to do to fix it now and I got some new teflon tape to seal the leak in the pipe connection. I will probably take care of it Monday, unless I get so antsy that I decide to do it tonight.

But I have clean laundry now. I went to the laundry mat this afternoon and did seven loads. It was after 6pm when I got home. I asked my husband if the kids had eaten dinner yet and he gave me a dirty look. He has been on the couch since Thursday evening because he's sick. He did have a fever Thursday, but he doesn't feel hot to the touch when I kiss him good night on the forehead. He won't take any medicine, because he says they don't work for him anymore. Outside of him not eating much, he's not showing any signs of being sick. Perhaps I shouldn't had expected him to watch over the kids, but then again I still have to fix meals and such even when I show signs of being extremely sick--I really don't think it would have been that hard to make sure they had sandwiches or even a bowl of cereal.

Anyway, when the kids got ready for bed, they whispered to me that Daddy says I waste too much of our money on buying things we don't need. Well, sick people need fluids and even if by chance he's not really sick, I still am. I'm still coughing up mucus from my chest and I can only drink so much juice before it causes other problems. So, I don't think the soda was a waste of money. Nor the fruit nectar for that matter. If I'm going to drink juice, I at least want it to have nutritional value and I got it for the cheapest price in the city. I got him his nacho chips--he can't consider that a waste. Then I got the kids "Lunchables"--well, maybe that was unnecessary, but heck, at least it didn't get any more dishes dirty. And I got myself some cheap tamales which were too mild for me, so the kids got them for dinner and some spicy Oriental food, which does clear me out and wasn't really that expensive. If he can send me all over town to find *his* favorite brand of salsa, then why can't I get something that I know will make me feel better?

Thursday was scary too. My ATM card is now missing from my purse. I hardly ever use it, but my husband took the checkbook and I promised the kids that they could buy something for Daddy's birthday. That and I wanted to buy him a cake. He had eaten up all my chocolate frosting and I didn't have that many clean dishes. I've been trying to clean some in our one working bathroom, but my back is hurting from bending over and that fall I took when I was checking out the water heater. Anyway, when I went to pull it out to pay for our purchases, it was gone. We left the stuff at the customer service desk and went to my husband's work to get the check book. Since we have only one working vehicle, a friend of mine was driving the kids and I around. He was shocked to see me there, and in front of all the receptionists and secretaries I told him in a worried tone that my ATM card was lost and that I needed the check book. He didn't say much, just that he had it and then he went and got it. I explained that I had promised the kids they could get him something the night before, but I was too sick to let them do it right then--which was true and he knows it, because I went into a really nasty coughing fit that night. He didn't say a word--not even about my lost card, which should have sent him into a panic because it might have been stolen.

My friend and I discussed the whole situation in low voices so the kids wouldn't hear, and we're almost certain that my husband took my ATM card. It's the way he operates. Last weekend the kids didn't shut the door on the truck all the way and now he has forbidden them from opening the truck doors. They're suppose to climb in the driver's side. I didn't even realize he did this until we were getting into the truck to go to church. Here I was holding my lesson book and such, expecting my children to get in on the other side, and then they tell me they have to go in on the driver's side. What a hassle! Especially in cold weather when you're suffering with a chest cold. When they drew on the wall when they were little, he usually hid all the crayons, and once he even threw them away. He would say they couldn't have any until they could use them correctly, but how could they learn to use them correctly if they never had the chance to use them? Of course, then I was suppose to watch them every moment and still get the housework done. If he can't manage to clean a room and keep an eye on them for one day, how am I suppose to watch them constantly and keep a whole house clean at the same time? It's a good thing they're in school now.

Once my friend and I realized that he may be upto something, we went ahead and took the money I had been putting away a little at a time and opened a saving account in my name at a small finacial institution. The statements will be sent to her house. I don't have much in it, but at least it's a start.

Earlier this week, my parents visited us while my husband was at work. I went ahead and told them some of what was going on. After all, I had to explain the pile up of dirty clothes and dishes and the scratches on my arm. They want me to try to find a job and told me to go ahead with the savings account idea. They also told me that if I had to, I could move back in with them with the kids. I don't want that, but if things get worse, I may take my sister up on her offer, and move in with her family.

I wish I knew what I should be doing. On one hand, I don't want to force us into a divorce, but on the other hand, I don't want him to ruin my life or our children's. Maybe I'm being too paranoid, or maybe I'm being not paranoid enough. I wish I knew which path to take.

*sigh!* I guess I better learn how to fix vacuum cleaners now....

January 3, 1999
Well, I finally prayed about my marriage again last night.

I get the definite feeling that I shouldn't leave my husband yet, but that I should definitely start preparing myself to leave.

Then, when I woke up this morning, I couldn't find the bag with the fruit nectars I bought yesterday. I checked the normal places and couldn't find them. I gently shook my husband's shoulder and asked him if he knew where they were. I swear I saw his whole body tense up, before he muttered "no".

Later, I was looking for our genealogy charts for our son, and my husband must have assumed I was looking for those nectars because he said, "You might have left them near your sewing machine." Strange place for them to be, considering I never went over there yesterday until I started taking care of the laundry. What's more, when I did find them they were inside a box. Yes, the top was opened, but my husband had the glass cups for our old dining area lighting fixture on all the surfaces around it. There is no way the bag could have "just" fallen in there--it had to be placed there deliberately.

Of all the things to hide from me--something nutritious? It doesn't make sense, but then most of the stuff he has been doing lately hasn't made any sense. I called my dad this morning and told him about the nectars and my ATM card mysteriously disappearing. I told him I was going to talk to my "spiritual advisor" when I got to church today, and he told me, "Yes, I think you better."

Honestly, I'm worried that when it becomes obvious that I'm not going to let myself be emotionally battered and destroyed, that my husband will take his own life. He has always been rather reckless with his physical well-being, and he barely takes care of himself. Frankly, I've decided that two main reasons why married men tend to live longer than single men is because they have less of a chance of getting food poisoning and their wives will make them see the doctor.

I talked to my "spiritual advisor". He suggested I see if my husband would willing to talk and work things out. He didn't want to counsel a seperation, but one person can't keep a marriage together and if my husband wasn't willing to work on our marriage, then I needed to do what was best for me and the kids.

I left the kids at a friend's house for the night. When I got home I told my husband I asked the church for help. "For what?" he asked in a very defensive tone. I said, "For help to get this family back on track." Then I said that our "spiritual advisor" was willing to talk to us, either together or seperately, and he gave me the same answer in the same tone of voice. I think he wanted me to make an accusation so he could yell at me and make me feel terrible. I went on to say how he didn't seem happy with anything I did. I even brought up the fact that he started acting weird when I started to get the house clean. He just shook his head and glared at the tv set.

To me that said that he isn't willing to talk about things. We *did* talk to this person last year, before we went into marriage counseling. It's not like I'm being underhanded--my husband knows what I was talking about--he just wanted a chance to intimidate me.

But to be sure, perhaps I should bring up the subject again when I get the house under control again. Right now, there is sort of a truce between us--we're keeping our conversations on minor stuff. I don't think he realizes that I'm making plans to leave and I'm not sure I should give him too much warning, because I'm afraid of what he will do. But I am going to get a job and I am going to get myself some transportation. If he can handle me having that much independence, then I'll hold out until summer before insisting on a seperation. If not, then I'm getting the kids and I out of here ASAP.

And if after a few months of seperation, he still hasn't sought professional help for his self-destructive tendencies, then I'm filing for a divorce. I'm doing my best to make sure my children don't have to grow up with a crazy mother--it would be hypocritical, not to mention counterproductive, to make them grow up with an unstable father.

January 4, 1999
There will probably be an addendum or two to this entry later today.

Any doubts I had that I may of been too subtle yesterday have been totally erased. My husband wouldn't talk to me during the five hours or so that I was awake last night, but as soon as I was about to fall asleep, he comes down the hall, kicking a few things around, and stomps through the bedroom to use the bathroom. I froze under the comforter and feigned sleep. He stomped out just as noisily back into the livingroom.

Then just when I thought he was done for the night, he stomps back in and slams something down. "Here's the checkbook and bills," he says angerly. "You figure out how to pay them all."

I used to think that the reason he used to wait until I was falling to sleep was because it was some sort of natural cycle for him. Now, I believe he chooses that time because he is so insecure, that he wants to give himself an edge over me.

The whole incident set off all sorts of alarms in my psyche. I was absolutely terrified that he was going to do something else. Intellectually, I knew that I had no real indications that he was going to do something, but my body wasn't going to hear a word of it. My adrenaline level was so high that it felt as if parts of my body were detacted from me and I was shivering in fear. Try as I might, I just couldn't get myself to relax and go to sleep until I remembered I had a sharp pair of scissors in the bedroom. I put them under my pillow and held them. I still didn't feel safe, but it did help some as I listened to the sounds of the TV and him. I was so glad that my children were somewhere else.

This morning he was still resentful. He slammed a lot of doors and left me a note that I only had $160 to pay our bills with. First off, I know from past experience that when he gets like this, he will almost always make mistakes in balancing the checkbook. Secondly, all the bills that have to be paid this week total less than $160, and if he had bothered to open them and look at them, he would have known that. The largest bill we can actually wait two more weeks, by which time we will have deposited two more paychecks. As for the credit card bill--well, we're so good at paying it that letting it go a month isn't going to hurt anything.

I'm going to rebalance the checkbook today, and if possible, get an updated bank statement. It is possible that we may be that low after the holidays, but I doubt it. Looking back through the checkbook shows that the money I spent during the last two weeks is less than half of the house payment--so even if I hadn't got groceries, it wouldn't had been enough to cover that bill.

January 5, 1999
Sorry to leave everyone hanging.

I'm ok. My husband called me from work yesterday morning, meek as a lamb, and I told him how we could handle the bills. I may have a chance to get my car fixed. There's this one guy who wants a website created for his business and wants to trade auto repair labor for it. I still haven't heard back from him though. I spent yesterday putting up a mock commercial site to give him an idea of what I was capable of creating for him. My husband was suppose to work late, but he didn't--so I didn't try to fix the water heater then, though I did ask him some questions about--I'm sure he thought that was my way of nagging him to fix it.

I went ahead and washed some dishes in two large aluminum recepticles I have. It really hurt my back to carry those things filled with water. I woke really early this morning because my pain medication had worn off. I went back to sleep after I got my kids ready and off to school. I fixed myself a very nutritious lunch, during which my dad called to check on me. He told me not to drag things out beyond a year, because if my husband doesn't straighten out his act soon, he's not going to. My dad also wants me to make sure I take the truck with me when I go. You see, it was originally my dad's and he only sold it to us because I'm his daughter. He also gave me pointers on how I could clean out the checking account before I go. I appreciate his concern, but I'm hoping that I don't have to be that petty to leave, but then I might have to. I suspect I will be getting frequent calls from my family for awhile. I called my sister yesterday and asked her to keep her eyes open for a job for me in her area.

Oh, one more thing! I mentioned my husband's habit of waiting until I was falling asleep to talk to me to my dad. He says that my mother does the same thing. I told Dad that my husband does a lot of the stuff my mother does.

Finally, I got to that water heater and it took me a few hours, but I *did* get that leak to stop. I was so excited that I had to tell someone. Unfortunately, the only person I could get a hold of was my husband--so I called him and told him excitedly what I did to finally fix that leak.

I told A.B. once that women are stupid about the men they love. I do include myself in that category.

Anyway, he was shocked and a bit glad, but then he told me that we should wait before finishing the connections--in case the leak comes back after a few hours. The man's such a pessimist.

Big deal....I'm going to have hot water tomorrow to do dishes with! The joint is still dry and I'm positive it's going to stay that way. Tomorrow morning I'll finish connecting the sucker up. I already have the rest of the fittings preped and waiting.

I'm happy. Scratched and sore, but happy.

January 7, 1999
Finally got all the water connections done on the water heater. Had troubles getting the pilot light lit. Finally got my husband to do it.

He's still acting resentful and trying to intimate that I spend to much on groceries, which is funny considering how little I do spend.

I had a weird dream a few days back. Didn't bother to analyze it until today. I found a really good dream workbook that uses something similar to what I usually do.

The Final Results:

The Angry Guy

This guy has created a female robot. He is angry with the rest of the world. My friend and I try to talk with him, but he won't listen. He tries to program the robot to kill us, but we take all his files from him and make the robot self-destruct. He glares at us as we try to talk to him and storms off.

The Angry Guy (interpreted)

My husband has created/is try to created a female slave. He is angry with the rest of the world. My friend and I try to talk with him, but he won't listen. He tries to instruct the slave me to destroy the real me and the influnce of my friends, but we take all his resources from him and destroy the psuedo being he has been trying to make me into. He is mad at everyone who is trying to get him to talk to about his problems which he refuses to admit exist.

Feeling: apprehensive


Setting: Well, looking at it now, I would have to say my marriage.

Characters: Angry guy, female robot (me?), me and my friend

Plot: The angry person wants to control the world through the robot, and when he can't, he decides to destroy it. When my friend and I stop his attempt at destruction, he gets mad and goes away to sulk.

Resolution: He goes away and my friend and I go on with our lives.

Action: I'm trying to help the angry man.

Context: My husband has refused to work on the problems in our marriage. He has been hiding things in an attempt to control me. He wants me to keep everything kept up without bothering him, or spending money. He has been stomping around and acting very resentful. One friend (female) had been helping me out. Another friend (male) has been trying to lift my spirits.

Key Elements and Associations:

Personal CulturalArchetypal
lifeless being a machine that does human type stuff A slave
angry guy
Personal CulturalArchetypal
My husband
Personal CulturalArchetypal
filled with data (computer file)information organization
my friend (who is male in the dream)
Personal CulturalArchetypal
Not sure - maybe one of my cyberfriends someone who helps you when you're in trouble someone you trust
Personal CulturalArchetypal
life Societyexistence
Personal CulturalArchetypal
instructions same organized set of events
They give some hints to exploring the dream more, but I really don't think that's necessary right now.

January 11, 1999
I am cautiously happy.
I told the person I talked with last week at church that my husband wasn't willing to work out our problems. He wasn't surprised at all, he just nodded and told me if I needed any help I just had to ask.

Later I was talking to two ladies before a meeting, and one of them asked me about the hot water heater. I had forgotten that I had told her about it going out. I hadn't plan to tell anyone except my "advisor" about my plans to leave for another town after the kids finish this semester of school, but suddenly I found myself explaining that I took care of water heater myself. I tried to joke about how much I had learned about plumbing from the experience. Then when they gave me those soft looks of concern, I told them that my husband was depressed and refusing to get help for his problems and that I was planning to leave. I told them that if he got help before then, that I may reconsider, but I wasn't going to try to second guess him anymore. They nodded and said that I had to do what was best for me and the children. One apologized sweetly for not realizing how bad things were. *chuckle* I didn't realize that she even knew things were bad, but I guess that fact I went to church without my husband was sort of an obvious sign in a very family oriented church. I then explained that I would give him this summer to get his act together or I would take more permanent measures. They just nodded.

Then I told them how scared I was and how sometimes I wonder what I should have done before now. The one who apologized said, "Your children are just a joy to be around. No matter what, you have done a very good job with raising them."

I needed to hear those words. They tell me that despite everything, I have been successful in being a caring and loving mother. I felt a great weight lifting from me. I had actually told someone from church about my decision and instead of freaking out on me and giving me a lecture on the sanctity of marriage, I got understanding and compassion. My soul is now at peace with my decision.

But I need to be careful of my actions. My husband is getting nervous. There was fear in his eyes when I asked to have the truck for today. Instead, he suggested I make my doctor's appointment late enough for him to get home first. I also cannot find the flyer for a business that I'm planning to do a website for in exchange for fixing my car. Though I hate to jump to conclusions, I fear my husband may have hidden it from me to keep me from gaining more independence. I'm not going to fret about it. Instead I will ask a friend to pick up another one for me and keep it hidden.

My son complained again this morning how come Dad doesn't take care of his own things when people are suppose to be responsible for their own stuff. I went ahead and told him that Dad needed some help, but that he didn't want to get help. I explained that because Dad wasn't acting normal that it wouldn't be a good idea to say anything about it to him. My son made a face and nodded. His dad had sent him to his room several times this weekend for minor things and leaving him in there until he begged to come out. I took a deep breath and told him that after school was out for the summer, he, his sister, and I were going to move away for awhile to live with his aunt. I explained that it may help Dad to get the help he needs, and that when he does that, we will come back home. My son's body relaxed and he told me that it sounded like a very good idea. Then I told him that there was a chance that his dad still might not get help. I faltered as I try to word what I would do then, but my son nodded and said, "Then you will have to get divorced." I told him "Yes".

He took it so well. In fact, I think he was relieved to know that I was trying to make things better for us. He asked me some question on what we would take with us and how we were going to keep Dad from knowing, so he couldn't stop us from leaving. I went ahead a gave him the answers, but told him that I was going to take care of everthing and that he didn't need to worry, because I would do that too ;-)

I also told him that we may leave earlier if I got a job sooner. He took it very philosophically. And we decided not to tell his sister yet, because she tends to tell the world everything. He told me that he was going to find out today when the last day of school was from me. I told him that he might just want to tell his teacher that we're planning a trip then to see his aunt.

Anyway, I have a job to apply for and another to do an example for, as well as a lot of cleaning to do.

January 12, 1999
The children and I are leaving in 10 days
I was able to get the last appointment at the doctor's office by finally telling the nurse that we had an agrument and that my husband was afraid to let me have the truck while he was at work. She made an appointment immediately. You see, a few years back, I came in with a horrendous case of bronchitis. I had been battling it on my own for over two months. She looked me straight in the eye and told me to tell my husband that he better take care of the house and kids and let me get at least a week of complete bedrest, or she was going to put me in the hospital herself.

Well, I made it in and was shock to find that I hadn't had a doctor's appointment for over TWO YEARS. I've brought the kids in a few times, but not myself, even though I have been very sick.

Anyway, the doctor's appointment was $55, and I still had the remenants of that cold that knocked me flat before Christmas. So, he prescribed something for my chest infection. What was I suppose to do? Tell him, "No thanks, Doc--I'll just keep the infection." My medicine was a little over $80. I also sent off a payment for the house and the truck--as my husband insisted.

When I got home, I told him how much it was, and he rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and glared at the TV. I suppose it's my fault I needed medicine. Of course, he won't take any--says they don't work for him. Yet, I've seen him use stuff when he's gotten really sick.

Last night, my son began to shows signs of being sick and this morning it's obvious that he has a chest cold too. My husband decided he was sick too, and stayed home. When I asked about taking them to the doctor, he just sneered at me and said we couldn't go, because *I* spent too much money. Yet, he insisted I pay the house payment now, because he wanted it there *before* the 16th and according to him, they won't get it until late this week at the earliest. He gets paid every Friday--we will have another paycheck in by then.

I guess I'm suppose to feel guilty now because *I* have medicine and my child doesn't. Too bad the pills are too big for my son to even think of swallowing... Meanwhile, I've been fixing bowl after bowl of soup for my husband, making sure my son got fluids and Tylenol, fixed meals, cleaned some dishes and did some laundry. I laid down for 20 minutes because I was dizzy. I guess if someone had to take medicine it might as well be me--it's not like I can just sleep this stuff off.

Anyway, I called my sister up this morning, because I didn't know what to do. Her answer: She's coming here the 22nd and moving the kids and I back to live with her family.

A few moments ago, my husband came in to inform me that with the state our house is in now, we could lose our children. Strange, he didn't seem to care when the water heater wasn't working. And I'm willing to bet that he isn't going to lift one finger to help me clean this place up.

January 14, 1999
Well, my husband and son stayed home sick yesterday too. It was probably one of the longest days in my life. Here I was wanting to gather up things to leave, but instead I was fixing more soup, while my husband watched John Wayne movies. It really bothers me that in most of those movies he spanks the woman to put her in her place.

I ended up taking my daughter to school that morning, and while we were in the truck, she started asking me why Daddy was being so mean to me. (Tonight, she handed me a dime and said, "Here Mom--here's some money so you can buy stuff when Dad is being mean.") Then she went on to say that someone should really make Dad see how mean he is so he would stop. I asked her if she wanted to visit her aunt for awhile. She asked, "With Dad?" I shook my head and said "no" and that maybe Dad needed us to be away for awhile so he could get help for himself. She nodded and said, "When we leave..." "Visit," I corrected. She gave me an annoyed look and said again, "When we leave, I don't want Dad to come." "He won't," I said. "Good, because he's mean to me." "How so?" I asked. "He wants me to sound out words," she said, her voice on the verge of tears, "and I can't sound out words! I have to know them first."

At the time, I had assumed she had been talking about an incident a few months back, but later my husband told me in a defensive voice that he had helped her with her spelling while I was at the doctor's on Monday. "And she did real well sounding out those word, didn't you, sweetheart." My daughter just nodded her head and went on with her homework.

For some reason, I doubt the study session went as well as he presented it. I've explained to my daughter why we have to be careful not to say anything to Dad. She has working very hard not to. I pray that my smart little girl can keep this to herself.

Anyway, after making sure he would keep an eye on our son, I made an excuse to see a friend. At her place, I drunk lots of juice and talked some. I was a lot calmer when I got home, which must had been very apparent, because my husband began to act human again.

Last night, though, the kids asked me why we couldn't leave this Friday, instead of next Friday. I told them that my sister couldn't come until then.

Today, my son went to school and my husband went to work. I gathered up all the legal papers and put them in a suitcase my husband probably doesn't remember that we have. I put some of my clothes in it too. Then I called a friend to have her take it to her place. Before she came, my husband called and asked me to make a doctor's appointment for him and possibly our son. I had noticed that he was actually coughing this morning and thought it strange that after all that rest, he was beginning to sound worse. Frankly, I think he wasn't really sick those two days, but after spending them with two truly sick people, he finally came down with the same thing.

When my friend came, I had a call from school telling me that my son was running a fever. My friend took me there and we picked him up. We couldn't get an appointment, so we had to use the walk in clinic. My husband is now on the same types of medications I'm on, but he was able to get the doctor to give him samples of the expensive one, so we wouldn't have to buy it.

Myself, well I started coughing up those chest slugs today with a vengence. It was funny at the clinic. I sounded so awful, but it was my husband and son who got the appointment. Of course, the staff knew I had been there a few days earlier.

In addition to the suitcase, I gave my friend a diamond ring that someone had given us in exchange for a stand up freezer. She had it appraised for me. According to the jeweler, fair market value was around $250, but if I was to get that, I would have to sell it directly to a buyer. So, we're going to wait until I'm with my sister before I look for a buyer.

There have been moments today, when I seriously thought that maybe I was jumping the gun. After all, my husband has been treating me nicer today. Not lovey dovey, or anything that affectionate, but he's not treating me like an enemy. But then, my children both found time to remind me about our plan, and I remembered all the people I knew who did what I almost did--I never could understand why they didn't realize that their spouse's good nature was only a temperary thing. Then I had to admit to myself that it was true for me too. Even though I wasn't being berated, he was still harping about our money. I'm sure that once he's feeling better and I'm getting the house clean (which will hopefully be by this Sunday), he'll get weird on me again.

January 16, 1999
I'm very sick still and very weak. I think I will just worry about getting the laundry taken care of and packed away.

Yesterday morning, my husband was still being considerate, but by lunch he was a cretin again. He made me go pick up his paycheck from work, even though I was the one coughing up stuff. Then he made me deposit his check. He wouldn't even let me use his ATM card to do it. When I asked, he got this panicked look in his eyes and told me to fill out a deposit slip and go through the drive through at the bank. I made him fill out the deposit slip. Then I deposited it and took care of something else. I probably shouldn't had, because I felt a lot sicker when I got back home.

Last night, my brother-in-law's wife called. Apparently, he's decided to divorce her. No warning--just "I'm moving to such-and-such. Where do you want me to drop you off?" We began to compare our husbands' behavior and decided that we married into the wrong family. Both are obsessed by money, even though they swear that it's not important to them. Both believe that dental crowns are a waste. Both will wear the same outfit day after day. Though my brother-in-law changes his underwear more. Both make cruel remarks and act surprise when we get upset by them. Both made promises to us earlier on in the marriage, which they now do everything they can not to keep. Both believe that if you're not bringing in money, you're not contributing, but then when you do, they start acting nervous and tell you not to worry about it. Both refuse to go to church and both develop crushes on other women, though they have yet to follow up on any of them. Both say they're tired when we want to get romantic and yet expect us to be willing whenever they want to be. Both have their names on our credit cards, yet neither have put our names on theirs. Both make fun of their wives, whenever we try to look nice. Both can't stand to be wrong about some sort of fact, though neither one were that great in their science classes. Both will deny anything that might make them look bad, and what's more--they're absolutely lousy liars. Both have slowly tried to make sure that their wives are cut off from the rest of the world with no way to support themselves.

Today, I am even sicker. I had to get some stuff from the drug store. I was really too sick to go, but I learned a long time ago that even if I'm coughing up a lung, my husband will insist that he is the sicker one. I don't even bother to argue about it anymore. I hadn't even driven out of the neighborhood, when I coughed up some more gunk. I turned around, went back home, and changed shirts. Then the truck wouldn't start. I asked my husband for possible reasons, but he just got annoyed at me. So I called up a friend and had her take me.

Just a few moments ago, my husband went outside and checked the truck for himself. He believes something is wrong with the battery. He didn't seem interested in getting it fixed until he realized that I will probably be too sick to go to church tomorrow. But I may just be getting more paranoid.

January 21, 1999
Long time--no update.
I'm over most of my chest infection, I hope. I haven't had much of a chance to do what I wanted to this week, because my husband's been home all week. At least the truck is working again. It needed a new battery. Now, I just need to figure out whether we're going to have to take it from my husband's work, or if we'll just need to make an excuse to use it. My husband will not tell me if he's going into work tomorrow, and was a bit annoyed when I asked.

I've been doing laundry. I was able to pack one suitcase and get it out while he was sleeping, but I will probably be doing the others tonight after everybody's asleep. I'm also packing a box of my writing stuff and we made a plan for getting my computer over to my friend's for a new parallel port.

As for getting the kids out of school, everything was ready when I got there. Everyone in my daugther's class gave her a hugs, and I saw a few running to the back of the line to give her more hugs. I'm positive that there were a few of those who gave her four hugs. My son's class gave him a few hugs too. Everybody pretty much had a good idea what was going on. They just asked us to come back and visit someday.

Tomorrow's the big day. I hope it all works out...

January 27, 1999
I wanted to do an entry before this, but this file is too big to edit directly in the Tripod editor.

Well, I'm with my sister and her husband now. Last Friday, I got up at 2:30 am and started to finish packing the clothes. Then I snuck them passed my sleeping husband and out into the backyard. Just as I finish, a rain/sleet storm hit us. Oh, well....things didn't get too wet. My daughter woke up while I was doing this and helped me some. About 4 am we laid down, in case my husband did decide to go back to work, but he didn't.

With the wind still blowing at 6:30 am, I told my husband that it was too nasty outside for the kids to wait at the bus stop and that I was going to take them to school. The kids packed some of their favorite toys into their backpacks and I took them over to a friend's house. Then I went back home. I actually followed the mother of one of their friends back into the subdivision. Then my husband asked me to cook him some breakfast sausage, which I did. I then fixed myself some breakfast.

He asked me to go to the pharmacy and get a prescription the doctor gave him a week before--in case the over-the-counter decongestant didn't work. Worked for me, I also picked up the other two months of my Pamelar prescription while I was there. Then I went to Kmart and got some stuff for me and the kids.

I had told him that I was taking my computer over to another friend to get a new parallel port put in (which I still need) at 10 am. He was sleeping when I came back, so I manage to get out some bedding and a few other things into the truck, as well as my printer and scanner. I dropped some of it off at the friend's place where the kids were and sat around and talked a little until my sister came. Then I went to my husband's work and picked up his paycheck for him and went back home.

Someone from the kids' school called while I was gone and confused my husband with talk of the kids going to another school. I don't know who this ditz was, but I pretended to call the school and tols my husband that they had confused our children with someone else. Then I finished eating my lunch while he signed his paycheck. He wanted me to call the doctor's for a note saying that he had to stay home because of illness. Why he couldn't had gotten it while he was there is a mystery to me--as is why *I* had to be the one to call and ask--he was perfectly able to call them himself.

Anyway, I waited for the doctor's office to call us back--getting antsy the whole time. I manage to take out three bags of trash and do one load of dishes, before I pointed out that if we wanted the paycheck deposited that day, that I should take care of it then. He agreed and let me make out the deposit slip. I left the checkbook on the table with my ring inside and left. I only took $200 for the kids and I. I filled up the truck and went back to where everyone else was. We had to wait until after 5pm to leave, because my sister's husband was flying in to help us drive. So we took care of a few things and then ate dinner before leaving.

It was after midnight when we got to my sister's place. The next morning I called my parents and a friend to let them know we were ok. I found out that my husband hadn't called anybody Friday night. When my father told me I left him, he was pissed off and started to demand that I give him *his* truck back. Then he ranted about us losing our house, which is stupid because we have always been on time with our payments and without me and the kids he should have no problem paying the mortgage. Yes, I was the one who wanted the house, but I didn't want to be a prisoner in it, with parts of it torn up.

He didn't even ask if the kids were alright. Dad didn't tell him where we were, so he probably thinks we are with them.

My husband's brother caught a clue last week and apologized to his wife and got their problems sorted out. Surprisingly, he's on my side on this and asked if it was all right if he and his wife stayed in contact with me and the kids. I said it was fine with me--I'm not a spiteful person, no matter what my husband may think right now. OF course, I don't expect my mother in-law to be as understanding towards me.

I went to 2 interviews Monday and was offered both jobs. Not bad for someone who's been a full-time mom for 8 years. I start my job tomorrow. The pay isn't outstanding, but it's enough to get started and there are opportunities for in company advancement.

Now, I just need to get things organized here and get use to working nights. My sister's husband gets home not too long after I leave, so the kids will be okay. Not that I need to worry. My sister has a psycho dog who loves kids and hates adults. He seems to have decided that I can live finally, but I'm still careful with him.

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