February 6, 1999
My sister's dog has decided that I'm now one of his favorite people, but I still have to be careful--he was abused by his first owners and would have been put to sleep, except someone thought he was to beautiful to die and called the rescue shelter. So every so often a neuron misfires and he will snap at one of us adults. My son has been very strict with the dog lately. I think that he is displacing his anger. I've talked to his teacher and we're going to get him into counselling before he pushes the dog too far. We're going to get my daughter counselling too.

I love my job. I have already received a promotion of sorts. The people I work with are very friendly. I've only been there a little over a week and I already know a lot about the people I trained with. Unfortunately, last Saturday one of our coworkers died. He was an eighteen year-old who just moved from Seattle. He was very respectful and nice and wanted to prove that he was capable of taking care of himself. He would ride his bike to and from work in the rain. When I found out, I tried to talk him into letting me drive him to and from work, but he refused. He didn't want to depend on someone else. By Saturday, he was very tired and finally asked if I could pick him up from the bus station Sunday and bring him the rest of the way to work. I told him absolutely and asked if I could take him home that night. He shook his head no and said that he was too tired to work overtime and that he wasn't going to let me cut my hours for him. Some of our other coworkers tried to get him to ride home with them, but he refused them also.

That Sunday I went to the bus station, but he wasn't there. I asked if the bus was late and was told 'no'. I found out that the next bus wasn't due until after I was suppose to be at work. So I went on to work and told our supervisor that my coworker probably missed his bus and would be late. He never showed that day. Monday when I got to work, I found out a car hit him that Saturday night.

The flu hit a little over half of the house this week. Luckily I didn't come down with it, but I still came down with a fever and my head cold's back again. Wednesday was my ninth wedding anniversary. Wednesday is suppose to be one of my days off, but I had to come into work for extra training for my new responsibilites, so I took Thursday off instead. I was such a flake Wednesday. I locked my keys in the truck while it was still running and had to call a locksmith. I now owe another sister $55 for the locksmith. I swear if my head wasn't attached to my neck, I would have lost it Wednesday. I spent most of Thursday asleep, while my sister got over her flu and my son stayed home with a fever and an occasional cough. Between my sister and I, we managed to keep him medicated and keep his fever under control.

Friday, my son woke up with a temperature of 102 fahrenheit. My sister and I took him to a doctor. By the time we got there, his skin was motled. When the doctor removed his socks, his legs were blue. The doctor refered him to a medical center for testing. I had to give my sister permission to decide his medical care, so I could get to work. She has every other Friday off and luckily this Friday was one of them, so she didn't miss any work. The doctor though my son might have pneumonia, but it was only a very bad case of asthma. My son has developed a technique for shallow breathing which fooled even the doctor until she made him inhale deeply.

Anyway, we had my dad call my husband and ask him to send some money for our son's medical expenses. His response according to Dad: "Well, I'm sick too!" He complained again about not having transportation, but according to one of my friends, the van is now running and he was able to call her from his job. He says he can't send us any money for our son's medical expenses. I'm really curious on what he is spending his money on that is so much more important than his son's health. Had our son been diagnosed with pneumonia, he would have been hospitalized. My father said that my husband sounded totally wrapped up in himself. We're going to keep a record of conversations with my husband. There is no way I am going to let him get custody of the children, if he is that selfish.

I'm not too worried about the bill. I'm starting to get paychecks now and with the way things are going, I will be making more than my husband in a matter of months.

February 17, 1999
I should really be putting more entries in here, but I've been really busy and currently my only connection to the internet is my brother in-law's computer, which means that I can't on at night after work.

My son is doing better, though he still needs his medication. After over a week of barely eating anything, his appetite has come back with a vengence. My daughter's appetite has increased too--I think she's about to experience a growth spurt. They seem to be happy most of the time. They love their aunt. Today they talked with the school counselor and she said that they seemed happy too. She also stated that she like seeing families stay together. Under normal circumstances, I agree with her, but I don't think these are normal circumstances. But I can't blame her for trying. She sees two very sweet and intellegent children who are about to have a big disruption in their life. She doesn't know what things have been like for us and it is only natural that she would suspect me of over-reacting.

We have called my husband three times. He now knows who we're with. The first time I called him at work because a few people were convinced by him that he had no transportation and was on the verge of having no income. Yet he was able to call one of my friends from his work and he was there when my dad called, though he wouldn't return the call. The next Monday I called just to satisfy my curiosity. I want just to leave a message, but the receptionist puthim on the line. We talked some. He complained about being still sick, but when I suggested he go back to the doctor, he said that he was getting over it though. Then he complained about not having transportation. I said I was sorry about that and left it there. He said that he was going to throw all the "trash" out of the house. From the emphasis he gave the word, he was planning to throw away anything of mine he can get his hands on. I think he may not though. I told one of "our" friends what I suspected and I think they will probably convince him that it wouldn't look too good in court. I know they talked him into sending the money for our son's medicine--not that it even covered that, but it did help. He sent a postal money order registered mail and put my maiden name on the outside of the envelope, though the postal order itself had my married name on it. Not once during the phone call did he asked about the kids, though I did give hime an update on what was going on medically with our son. He didn't asked, but I wanted him to realize how serious things were. That's when he complained about being sick again. Just because he's sick doesn't mean that the rest of us shouldn't get medical treatment.

A few days later my daughter asked to talk to him, so I dialed the number. After she talked to him, she had my son come over and talk. I had asked my son earlier if he wanted to talk to his dad and had said no, but with the phone there, he went ahead and talked to his dad. He didn't show any the resentment he shows when he talks about his daqd to his aunt--he just told his dad what he had been doing at school. Then he asked his dad if he wanted to speak to me. We did the "Well, only if they want to" bit first. Then I went and took the phone. I could tell he was lonely, but he didn't ask me any questions or say anything really, he just listened to me talk about my job and such. I felt like a heel for wanting a divorce, but then I realize that he hadn't done anything but sit there--we were the ones doing all the effort and one person, even with help from the children, CANNOT hold a marriage together.

Yesterday, my daughter asked again to talk to her dad. This time either she didn't asked if he wanted to talk to the rest of us or he said no, because after she finished talking to him, she hung up the phone. I didn't hear her answer any questions about her brother's health or anything about how we were doing. However, I was busy taking care of some house cleaning and may have missed something.

The school counselor gave me some places to get some counseling for myself and said I was welcomed to come by any time and talk to her whenever she's at the school. I'm going to go ahead and get myself set up with a therapist sometime during the next week or two. I'm still adjusting to my new sleep schedule at the moment. Strange that my fibromyalgia hasn't acted up hardly at all since I've left my husband.

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