June 1, 1999
Well, my truck is finally working. The last problem couldn't be placed as part of the damage from the accident and I had to pay over $250 for repairs. That, along with my trips back to the town I use to live in for the custody hearing and such, has depleted my finances completely. My credit rating is about to take a beating and my nerves are shot.
On the bright side, I've done another exercise in The Mythic Path. It's purpose is to give my myths human form and engage them into discussion.
Old Myth: Agnus - bitter, withdrawn, stooped and haggard. She's
a widow who spend all her time taking care of others.|
Counter-myth: Sylvia - cynical, proud, erect and powerful. She's a queen who spends her time ruling her kingdom.
It's no wonder considering the way you take care of yourself.
I'll survive. I always have.
That doesn't mean you always will. You need to take care of yourself - no one else is going to.
I don't have time. Other people need help more than I do.
Like hell they do. Some of these people are just cowardly moochers. You should take care of yourself and help those who really need your help.
Who am I to judge? I cannot know everything that is going on in someone's life.
That doesn't mean it's your duty to carry them. You have good judgement - ask some questions and make some decisions. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is let them fend for themselves.
But what if I need help?
WAKE UP, WILL YOU!!! You do need help right now - lots of it! Now is not the time to make life easier for everybody else.
But that's so selfish.
Selfish - smelfish. It's only temporary and right now it's the right thing to do.
No. I cannot be selfish.
And how do you plan to help people if you're crippled or dead?
God will bless me.
God will be a lot happier it you took care of yourself. You will live longer and do more then.
I don't know about this.
Then think about it. God gave you a brain - use it.
June 2, 1999
Symbolism, being the strong force that it is, features prominately in the following exercise, where I try to transform one of my traits which stand as a major stumbling block in my path. Interestingly enough, this did seem to have a positive effect on me.
Transforming Obstacles into Opportunities
The obstacle I've decided to work on first was my need to cling. I try to keep it hidden most of the time, but every so often I will cling to certain people. The weird part is that I will usually only do this in a harmful relationship. In a healthy relationship, I am just loyal. I feel this quality feeds my old myth, which seeks attention through service.
I stand on a green rug and imagine my inner wise person before me. I call her by name, but it is a name known only to God and I, for it is sacred to me. I imagine my clinginess in a bundle before me. It is lumpy and wrapped in strips of cotton.
I tell my wise person that I wish to transform my clinginess into loyality without fear. She adds loyality without fear of abandonment. I tell her that I want to be better able to discern when I am being clingy or just very loyal, because I know there has been times in my past when I thought I was being clingy, but my friend actually needed the extra attention from me at that time.
My inner wise person puts her hands on my bundle and we begin to bob it up and down between us, while chanting (mentally), "Let the change begin." We do not do any other steps because my foot still has not fully healed and my IWP refuses to let me do anything that may hurt it more.
She announces the change has been made and the bundle is now glowing. I shrink the bundle down and place it into a chick pea (or garbanzo bean). She tells me to slowly eat the pea and I do. I feel its energy filling me. When I finish, I thank her.
Then I ate more chick peas, because the ones I fixed tasted great.
June 3, 1999
Better grab a cup of cocoa and get comfortable--work was REALLY slow today.
The next three exercises deal with creating an unified myth between my old myth and my counter-myth. The book goes into a discussion on how people's perceptions and myths can cause great conflict and mismatch. They used an example of a man who married young and believed himself to be an irresistable Casanova. Though he was faithful to his wife, his resentfulness and inattentiveness finally drove her away. Free to "play the field", he couldn't understand why women kept rejecting him.
The authors go on to say that there are two ways to handle conflicts between experience and myth: one can alter their perception of the experience, or one can alter the myth. Their example first tried to convince himself that the women were merely overwhelmed by his magnatism. (I believe this is called "denial".) Later on, he was forced to face the fact that maybe he wasn't as irresistable as he thought.
I guess the point to all of this is that you have to being willing to change your perception of yourself, and at the same time, don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
Extending the Dialog Between My Two Myths
The exercise is to further the cooperation and understanding between the characters that personify my two myths.
I must admit that there is something to what you say.
I could help people more if I was stronger.|
Exactly. And it wouldn't hurt to accept someone else's help without feeling so guilty about it. You do some pretty weird things when you feel guilty.
(chuckling) I must agree with you there. But some of that is your fault, you know. You need to temper that passion of yours.
Then give me more opportunities to express it. Let me stick up for us more often. There's nothing wrong with offending someone every so often.
Still, we are clever enough to find a way not to be offensive.
Some people don't listen until they are offened. It's a lazy world we live in.
And we can't change it by ourselves.
But we can change ourselves and act like a seed of crystallization for others who wish to change.
And of course, they can alter our example to fit their own lives, so we won't be denying them of their individualism.
The variety will be inspiring!
We do agree on a lot, don't we?
Most definitely. We just need to take care of us better.
(IWP) I see we are beginning to form a partnership here.
Do you agree?|
Yes, I do. I like Agnus a lot. She's dependable and sweet. I want her to be happy.
And to be honest, I have a lot of admiration for Sylvia. She is so resourceful and competent. I just get scared that she'll make everyone go away.
I know your scared, Agnus, but I only want to get rid of those people who would hurt us. There are many people who won't leave because they love us.
But there have been other people who said they loved us, but they went away when we stood up for ourselves. Some of them came back when we were good again and some never did.
What they felt for us wasn't really love, but superiority - or a perceived sense of. And they didn't come back because we were "good". They came back because we were submissive. (turns to IWP) Can you explain this to her?
I can explain this to both of you. You are both right and you are both wrong. Sylvia, you are correct when you say that these people left because their sense of power felt threatened, but you are being too harsh when you imply that they had no love for you. Their love was a crippled thing, but it was still there. Agnus, you were right to believe in their love, but you are wrong to blame yourself for them leaving. It was their choice and many of them would had come back, even if you hadn't become submissive again. Submissiveness is not the same as being good-
(interrupting) My point exacty!
And love comes in many forms and degrees.
I've always though so.
Remember, the complete truth doesn't lie within either of you, but between you both.
|I had hard time getting a symbol to appear. At first, I thought it was because I didn't want to draw a green sponge on my shield, but the moment I placed the image between my hands, I knew it wasn't the correct symbol. I tried a sunflower holding a sword, but that didn't feel right either. Finally, I just fed more and more energy between my hands. I open my hands to see a glowing orb, it still wasn't right. I sent more energy and the orb rose and split into a pair of binary stars. I knew then that this was the correct symbol.|
|History||My myth and counter-myth have joined forces to keep balance in my life.|
|We are two forces joined in harmony with the same purpose. Together, we are stronger than we are apart. We are of equal size and spin around each other in a perfect perfect balance of influence and power. We shine with the light of joy.|
Melody of "Good King Wenselaus"
Dancing together in harmony
The forces of Life revolve
Intricate and beautiful
Their power is within us all
Every piece essential to
The universal plan
Everyone a musician
In Life's celestial band
Betwixt counterpoint and melody
Evolves the master piece
Life is not a steady state
Its stresses need release
Growth occurs efficiently
When balance is achieved
Without it there would be no life
With it we find peace.
My Personal Shield
June 4, 1999
This exercise is to evaluate and refine my new myth according to both logical and intuitive soruces of knowledge.
Seeking Confirmation from the "Powers That Be"
I re-enter the ancient forest filled with liquid light and go back through the curtain of light. My inner wise person rejoices to see me visit her here. She leads me to a curtain of leaves and parts it to reveal a glowing white stairway, floating in space.
We climb the stairway past the stars and nebulas until we enter a region made of light. My inner wise person leads me to a door and we enter a room with God sitting at the other end. His smile is full of love and joy.
I give him my first version of the motto of my new myth: "Everything deserves respect, even me." Then I ask if this myth calls to the best and highest in me.
"No," He says. "I gave you that modification last night." I squirm in embarassment, because he had. He restates it to me: "Everything deserves respect and an opportunity to develop itself to its fullest potential, especially you."
I nod as I commit this to memory.
"You should try to accept my words the first time I give them to you," He continues, very softly and with great affection. "They are not figments. You do not need to have everything confirmed several times. I know that there are others who question your actions constantly, but you will notice that these people make a lot of poor choices. They question your actions because they don't understand the thought and consideration you do beforehand and your solutions surpirse them. Do not let them paralyze you. If they spent as much time questioning they own actions as they do yours, they would be much better off."
I feel a wave of grief as I listen to Him. What he says is true and it has hurt me greatly in the past to have to explain my actions to people who use their own foolishness as an excuse to treat me like a brainless idiot.
"Come here," He says.
I walk up to Him and He tells me to sit in His lap. I burst into tears as He puts His arms around me. "You are a good person," He tells me, "and I am proud of you. Now, ask me your other questions."
I take a deep breath. "Is my myth built on grandiosity?"
He laughs. "Most definitely not."
"Does my myth lack in ambition?"
"The first version did, but the revision I gave you does not."
"Is my myth limited by my fears?"
"Will my new myth cause difficulties I haven't yet anticipated?"
"Is it reasonable for me to implement this myth in my life at this time?'
"It is the best time for it."
"Should any adjustments be made before I begin to shift my life into the image of this new myth?"
"Keep your heart open and I will lead you through any changes you will need to make."
I give God a hug back and thank Him. He kisses the top of my head and sets me back on the ground. My inner wise person takes my hand and leads me back to her place.
"Why do I feel so sad?" I ask her.
"Because you feel that you have failed God by not listening better, but you haven't, you know. He is very proud of you. He just doesn't want you to waste your energy trying to make sure you are doing the right thing. Trust your instincts."
"What do you think of my new motto?"
"I think it is wonderful. With your sub-motto: 'Life is a balancing act', you will go far."
"Is there anything else you need to tell me?"
"I love you."
We hug and she disappears. Now that I have received my comfirmation, it is time for me to summerize my new myth.
My New Myth Statement
Everything deserves respect and an opportunity to develop itself to its fullest potential. This can be achieved most effectively when the forces of our lives are in balance. Imbalance causes stress and a system in stress must compensate for that stress. This is the way of nature, whether it occurs in an ecosystem or a test tube or someone's life. My body and mind are ecosystems in themselves and need to be kept in balance. This balance is not a steady state, but a fluid, living thing that requires adjustments from time to time.
June 8, 1999
My husband finally made it two days ago to the designated halfway point to pick up our children for summer visitation. My brother went me to make sure nothing else happened. We're not certain, but we think that my husband was planning to switch vehicles with me, using the fact that he brought a bunch of stuff to give me and it would be easier than tranferring it. He was not happy to see my brother, who let him do all the loading, while I bought the kids lunch at the nearby Dairy Queen. I told him that he didn't have the right to choose what I get or don't get. He insisted that he was being fair. He is so clueless.
To say that I am being a bit snappish at the moment is an understatement. At least, I have the Mythic Path stuff still to work on...
Now the challenge is to incorporate my new belief system into my life. The next few exercises are to help me replace old patterns with new. The book goes into quoting the workings of this and that specialist supporting the concept of "fields of information". While it is interesting, it's rather dry reading. Whether that is the reason for the next exercises being successful, or not, is insequential to me. I see it as working on the same principle of a physical anchor used by many people to control the symptoms of chronic anxiety and phobia, by using the memory of touch, as well as hearing and sight. Of course, these are also considered "fields of information".
Invoking My New Myth in My "Subtle Body"
I use this exercise to create a physical sensation to act as a reminder of my new myth.
As I contemplate my renewed vision symbol, I feel a tingling all over me. There is a sense of energy and peace. I imagine the binary stars rotating before me. I feel my body pull itself into a balanced posture and relax.
As a man thinks, so he is.
Self-Statements that Support My Old Myth:
I cannot complain about someone else unless
I have my own life under control.
My own needs can wait. headache to right
side of head
* I must help others whenever possible. extreme tiredness
I will concentrate on tranforming the last statement.
Self-Statements that Support My New Myth:
I will reduce stress whenever possible.
I will not take on more than I can handle.
* I will take care of my body.
I will not neglect myself.
I will balance drive with direction.
I will not put energy into fruitless endeavors.
I will be concentrating on the second statement in the first column. It also requires me to balance action with rest.
To practice using my new myth through visualization and daily ritual, much the same way an athlete perfects a technique.
Putting My New Myth to the Test in a Mental Rehearsal:
I have a friend who is dear to me, but can be very clingy at times. I understand what drives this, but sometimes I find myself attending to her emotional needs when I really neeed to have time to myself.
I imagine myself getting ready to do a task, when my friend calls to talk. I greet her normally and ask her if she has something she can do during the next hour. (Of course, if it's an extreme emergency, I will listen and give whatever support I can.) Then I tell her about my task. I suggest that we both work on our tasks at the same time and call each other in 60 minutes to compare notes on our activities and talk. This way we will be together in spirit and I will get what I need to done.
After I plot this scenario out, I practice it out physically like an actor rehearsing a part.
This following ritual is to help me break the hold of my old way of thinking and replace it with my healthier beliefs.
Daily Personal Ritual:
Every morning and evening, I will mentally repeat my new myth self-statements will I brush my teeth, gargle, and apply a flouride treatment. When I feel despair, I will wear something that sparkles to remind me of my renewed vision symbol. I also have my self-statements posted in my bathroom.
From the inner thought proceeds the outward action.
I have created a section on this site called "Women of Renewal" as part of my public ritual. Here I try to represent the concept of balance and attention to one's own body. (I later showed this section to one of my sisters, while we shared a desert I made for the occasion as the actual "ritual".)
Time to acknowledge the environment around me and change it to reinforce my new life.
Conditions Reinforcing My New Myth
Conditions that Reinforce My Old Myth
Sequel to My Fairy Tale
A chance to visualize how these changes I am making now will affect my life five years from now, in a metaphoric way.
Marcy walks through her crystal palace surrounded by lush plants. The kitten is now the size of a lion. He is strong and kind. Marcy sings with Dan, the wind, as she cares for her little kingdom. The sunbeams and clouds visit her frequently.
One day, Dan asks Marcy to go on a picnic with him. Marcy follows Dan to a small lake with a waterfall.
"This is beautiful," Marcy says.
"Thank you," Dan says. "I worked a long time to create it."
"You made this? Dan, you are amazing! I'm surprised you had any time to spend inspiring me."
"Inspiration works boths ways," he says.
Marcy smiles. "Well, I hope I have been as inspiring to you as you have been to me."
"More than you realize."
Marcy sets out everything for the picnic, sits down, and sighs.
"I wish you could join me, Dan. I feel rude eating in front of you, even if you are only moving air."
Dan blows Marcy's hair. "Come to the lake," he says.
"I need your help, Marcy," he continues. "I have created this lake so I can take human form and walk among mankind."
"Dan," answers Marcy, "you have helped me when I needed it. I would be honored to help you with this."
"Then, please scoop up some lake mud and place it on the flat rock near the waterfall, so I can shape it."
Marcy gives the potato salad to a friendly bear and uses the bowl to scoop out the mud. The bear decides to help Marcy and soon they have a man-sized pile of mud on the rock. Dan blows the mud into shape. When the mud becomes too dry to work with, Marcy and the bear splash water from the waterfall on it.
When Dan has the mud into the shape he wants, he calls to the sunbeams. "I am about to enter this form," he says. "When I do, I want you to bake this mud for me."
Dan enters the mud-form and the sunbeams help him to transform it into flesh. While they are busy, Marcy retrieves the picnic blanket and gives it to some other sunbeams, who make it into some clothes for Dan. When they are done, Dan, the human, steps off the rock and walks over to Marcy.
"What do you think?" he asks her.
"You look wonderful!"
Dan blushes. He and Marcy have a wonderful afternoon. As the sun begins to set, Dan becomes concerned.
"I am human and now I have no protection from the elements. May I live with you until I can create a home of my own?"
"Dan," Marcy says, "you have lived in the crystal palace as long as I have. It is your home too, and I would be lonely without you."
So, Dan and Marcy go back to the crystal palace and live happily in an atmosphere conducive to love and growth.
When I first finished this sequel, I was afraid I might had missed the purpose of the intended exercise, but rereading it I realize that this is a very important goal for me--to find a companion who has worked on his emotional and spiritual well-being as I have. And the more I think about it, the more appropriate this goal becomes. But it will take time--lot of it.
June 10, 1999
I've made a mini-contract with myself to help me with my new myth:
June 16, 1999
I shared my public ritual with my sister. She didn't say much about my "Women of Renewal", at least not about it main concepts. I think she was shocked to find out that I could draw so well on a computer.
I have added a few more thing to my contract with myself. I will organize my apartment to make it easier to live my new beliefs and I will read one fiction book a week. I have been having some serious problems sleeping lately and in spite of the fact it seems a frivolous thing to do when I have so much else to do, it is the only thing that actually gets me to relax.
Outside of my continued reviewing of my contracts with myself, I am pretty much done with the Mythic Path, which is just as well I have hit my saturation point with introspection at the moment and now is the time for action.
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