August 19, 2000
Been busy. Got the kids back and in school - it starts really early here. On the way home, my children, in the midst of their excited chatter, started to tell me about the woman who babysat them this summer.
Okay, I can almost ignore the fact that she took them to one of her rental properties that had been broken into and that there was broken glass everywhere.
I am annoyed that she smoked around my son when she knew he had asthma. She told him to just tell her if it bothered him. My son's too polite for that. He would wait until he was having an attack before saying anything. And she told them that air conditioning is dumb - and she lives in WEST TEXAS.
But as much as this bothers me, it's nothing compared to what she did last week to them....
Apparently, she has decided - even though she has never met me - that my husband (the guy with the Narcissistic Personality Disorder) should have custody.
Fine. If she wants to believe his lies, I don't care - but don't abuse my children to do it!
According to them, she spent last week asking them leading questions to dig up some dirt on me and whenever they tried to defend me, she would go "NAYAYANAYANYA" right in their faces. And she even TOLD them that she was going to write a letter to the court telling the judge that I shouldn't have them. She also told them repeatedly that I was a "fat, lazy bitch" - and as I said, she doesn't even know me.
She told them that she used to work with lawyers and that she was going to make sure that their dad got them. I did tell my children that what she did to them was unethical, if not illegal. Of course, in addition of telling her lies, my soon-to-be ex has been being a "nice" and fixing stuff for her. I don't think she's planning to be his next wife, she's almost fifty and he's only 37, but who knows what he's letting her think to get her help?
I asked my children if they wanted her to watch them next year and they said that they didn't like her, but they really liked Muff and how wonderful Muff was. I finally asked who Muff was and found out he was her cat.
I pointed out to my children that a cat can't babysit them and told them not to worry, I would tell my lawyer what she said and that he would take care of it. I also told them that if anyone asked them, they should tell the truth because that will be the best thing for everybody.
I didn't tell them that if I was to see this woman right this moment - rod in her back or not - I would knock her teeth out of her mouth. No one abuses my children if I can help it. They're good, sweet children and that's because they have a good mother. It's the only thing I really did right during the past decade and I'll be damn if I'm going to let someone else take them from me and screw them up.
Needless to say the past few weeks have been stressful. I did some thinking about the ways to handle a NPD and even though I still think it's a rotten way to have an intimate relationship, I do agree that in general out-narcissisting a Narcissist is probably the best way to deal with them on a regular basis. If they yell, you yell back, etc. Because of the stress, I haven't worked on my enabling traits intensely, but I have noticed a change in my outlook since I gained an insight on this disorder. I will go back to dealing with this problem when things have settled down a little more.
One of the things I did to relieve the stress I was feeling was to go ahead and put up my practice novel in the web. This way I can share it like my friends want me to without much of a hassle and if the estate of the author whose works I based it on doesn't like it, I can just remove it - no problem. It was very therapeutic writing for me. If you're curious, you can visit the here. It has several related short stories - one is missing since I am still working on it.
Some of my 'net friends have been trying to keep my spirits up during this time too. One of them even wrote some Country Western lyrics for me after another one (from England, no less) quoted a verse from a song I think I have heard before:
'She took my keys
From my old blue dungarees
That hung behind the door
And I'll never go to Texas anymore'
And the rest...
I'm an old fashioned Texan
from down the way
and I got my truck tooken
by an INTJ
she says I'm crazy
and this might be true
but I'll see her in court
cuz I got nothin better to dewwww!!
The guy who composed the rest is a legal assistant. My estranged husband got himself a new lawyer - an elderly women whose husband died about two months before she took him on as a client. They tried to get a continuance because of her recent widow status, but my lawyer was able to block that.
During this same time, one of my mailing lists started doing chicken jokes. After someone posted on what a chicken would do based on its MBTI type, I posted one about personality disorders, leaving the Border-line and Schizoid for another list member to do:
If the chicken crosses the road and expects a marching band, reporters and hoards of adoring fans to be there to celebrate this acheivement, it has Narcisstic Personality Disorder.
If the chicken crosses the road back and forth, repeatedly, while worrying about being hit to the point until it forgets which side it started on in the first place, it has Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
If the chicken crosses the road in traffic because "they" are coming after it and "they" control the traffic lights - oh, and the cars are part of the plot to kill it too - then it has Paranoid Personality Disorder.
If the chicken crosses the road against the light and then takes a baseball bat to every car that passes it, then it has Antisocial Personality Disorder.
If the chicken crosses the road because it thinks all the other chickens are talking about its feathers and therefore its feathers must be ugly and it must hide from everyone, it has Avoidant Personality Disorder.
If the chicken crosses the road so it can cause a huge melodramatic scene and get everyone's attention, it has Histrionic Personality Disorder.
And here are the ones from the other list member:
If the chicken is furious that he is abandoned to make the decision concerning when to cross the road alone and spends his day roaming back and forth manipulating other chickens into crossing when he tells them, the chicken is borderline.
If the chicken will not cross the road because there are other chickens across the street and stands there daydreaming about a glorious road in his imagination, he is schizoid.
Anyway, I did take the kids and drove three hundred miles to the court hearing this past week. *sigh!*
Good news - bad news time...
I'm not divorce - yet. The judge wants the kids to have complete physicals before he makes his final ruling. They are small for their age, but their dad is only 5'10" and I'm just under 5'5". I know that even though they look small and thin, last time they were checked, they both weighed above the normal for their age.
My lawyer says we're 90% there and that it's possible that I won't even need to come back for the final *final* judgement, if the physicals come back with the children in good health. The only real hitch is that my husband has to agree on the pediatrician I take the kids to and I can just see him doing everything he can to delay this process.
On a good note: the judge informed my husband directly that "This Court" would not accept any excuse for him not paying his child support. He just told my lawyer to make sure we found a peditrician quickly that both sides can agree on in my local region. Nothing was said directly to me. What's more, I found out that if my estranged husband does not pay child support for 12 consecutive months, the courts can terminate his parental rights.
I don't think I did as well this time, but I didn't do too bad and my estranged husband did almost lose it a couple of times.
God! I want this over with.
It was quite obvious that there was NO chance of reconciliation. He was still trying to make everything look like it was my fault. I think he still pouted a little too, but I'm not sure - I wouldn't even look at him during the hearing. Except I did sneak a look out of the corner of my eye when his lawyer asked if I would be willing to let him choose which weekend he wanted the kids if I was given 14 days notice. He went white and his eyes went wide. Of course, I agreed.
He did try to go on and on as if he actually knew something. If I had a dollar for every time my lawyer objected to him commenting on something he had no expertise in, I could have lobster for lunch. His lawyer also dwaddled making her point. I think the only reason the judge did try to speed her up more was because she's a very old lady whose husband died two months ago.
Also, I think if the judge didn't have a time restraint that my lawyer would have broken my soon-to-be ex. He did a pretty good job of rattling him before the judge called a recess. He told me afterwards that for the sake of time, we would just cover the major points to make the judge happy.
Anyway, the temporary orders are still in effect and the hearing is recessed until the physicals are done. I agreed to let the kids spend the afternoon with him. Before I could tell the kids that, his lawyer asked them if they wanted to go with their dad right then. Both children gave her looks of horror and shook their heads. Then she told them that it was okay, they were only going to be there for the afternoon and that they would still be going back with me. Then they relaxed and agreed.
Now, I just need to survive this and deal with the fact that some time here soon, I will have most of my teeth removed for dentures. I'm having it done at a dental college and they tell me that I will be without "teeth" (excluding the few they leave in) for about a month so my gums can heal.
The kids also lost some caps while at their dad's and I don't know how I can afford to get that fixed and pay for everything else too right now.
August xx, 2000
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