November 21, 1999
Eeep! Six weeks since I've written anything. But I have either been very depressed or
too tired to write for most of that time.
First, let me clear up something. For a week and a half after I had left that one
position back in September, I was having a re-occurring sequence of dreams. In these dreams,
the woman who I thought had cost me that job and I were working together and in every
dream we work effectively together, even if we didn't care for each other personally.
Finally, I replayed what I could remember about all the dreams back in my mind and to my
surprise, I could identify almost everyone I worked with there. We were all working
together and we were all working hard. Obviously, my subconscious didn't see it as being
my fault or the queen bee's fault I didn't get hired on permanently.
Then I realized who
was missing from every one of my dreams. It was my coworker who liked to complain about
how busy she was and would come back from lunch smelling of beer if she was handed a new
project that morning. I remember then that she had told me my first day there that *she*
was the one who said the last temp wasn't going to work. I also remembered that on the day
the memo was sent, she got mad at me because I thought that cleaning out our sample
room was nothing to get worked up about. I had cleaned warehouses after all.
I was stunned. This woman knew what I was going through to take care of my children and
she submarined me just because she couldn't complain about her job with me around. How
selfish and petty can a person get? Then I reminded myself of the day she jumped down this
other lady's throat because she had a question about some paperwork she turned in. I found
the whole thing surprising and a little amusing, considering that my coworker had been
grovelling with suppliers all morning. Call me stubborn, but if I'm representing a major
corporation as a customer, I'm not going to let a supplier run me ragged. I sure as hell
didn't as a QA tech. Of course, I did ran the supplier ratings reports at the time.
Nope. One should be firm with suppliers and courteous with people from other departments -
not the other way around.
Anyway, I ended up taking a data entry job for three weeks. It nearly killed my wrists, but
I did a good job. I was as skittish as hell though. I'm sure I came across as a dog that
had been severely beaten. It was embarrassing. I'm glad it was just a temporary thing from
the beginning.
Then I got a wonderful position through another agency. The only problem was these people
didn't have work to even make me look busy. I actually worked on some of my other websites
and put up a new one. I couldn't bring myself to work on this website while I there and
at home I was working hard to finish my writing my novel. Though the job was ideal in every
other respect and they wanted me to continue on and off with them, I needed something I
could count on. So, the other other agency sent me to the job I'm currently at.
It pays more than my other jobs and after three weeks I'm beginning to relax enough to
joke around with everyone else. These people are honestly very busy and they love the
challenge of keeping me busy too. And I love the challenge of finishing the stuff before
they expect me to - without cutting corners. It doesn't always happen, the network is
working hard against me. *chuckle* But everyone says thank you and is so polite. You
hardly hear anyone bitching about their jobs. Oh, there's a groan once in awhile and an
oath here and there, but for the most part these people are pretty content - or they're
just too busy to waste their time moaning.
The first temp agency managed to lose two of my paychecks and my ex did not pay any child
support last month, so I've been in financial straights. I did finally get one of my checks,
but now they swear they sent me the other one. Errrr! I also need to get a service I've
never used off my credit card bill. I could scream, but I keep reminding myself that I
will get out of this mess one of these days.
Something strange had been going on the past two weeks. I have been having chest pains, but
instead of getting worse when my situation gets worse, they disappear. They seem to only
come when I am in a state of distraction and then go away when I am stunned by another
strike of Murphy's Law or when I blow my top. By all rights, if they were panic attacks,
they should get worse when my adrenaline level gets higher - not disappear. And even
though I have never personally had a heart attack, I've always heard that the pain would get
worse with stress.
On top of all of this, I have a pretty healthy heart or at least I did when it was checked
a few years ago and there is no history of heart disease in my family. Lung problems
galore, but the only heart failures were due to things like heat exhaustion and the like.
The only thing I can think of is maybe I am sensing someone else and the pain goes away
when I concentrate more on my own surroundings. The last time this chest pain happened, I
focused my attention on it and it went away faster than you can say "boo!". I know it
sounds improbable and I hate to admit to paranormal things, but I do have a history of
occassionally sensing other people's distress. I once had a friend who swore that all she
needed to do was think about me and I would call her with the next 24 hours. But let me
stress these are only occasionally things and not something I would count on continually.
Anyway, my ex gets the kids for Thanksgiving and New Years, and I get them for Christmas.
I will be spending Thanksgiving with my best friend and Christmas with my parents probably.
I have no idea what I will be doing New Years. Pretty lousy way to start the Millenium, eh?
Well, before I end this entry, let me put up the links to some of the stuff I've been
working on:
My Dearest Daughter
