April 4, 2000
I feel stiff and sore today. Daylight Savings Time is annoying when you have fibromyalgia, especially when your life is already a rollercoaster. *groan!*

Well, last Friday I got a hold of my lawyer and he gave me some good news. We are not playing around with my estranged husband anymore. This week he's going to get my divorce on the court docket, so by this weekend I should hopefully know when the court date is. Also if my soon-to-be-ex wants the kids by 6pm on Friday, he can come all the way here to get them. I can not be expected to jeopardize my job, my *ONLY* source of income and supporting my children, for his convience. And if he has a problem with that he can just talk to *my* lawyer himself. I typed up a note for him saying just that with my lawyer's phone number.

I didn't leave a message on his answering machine, but I did get there almost an hour later than I normally do. Not that I'll be able to convince him, but it wasn't on purpose - the traffic was that heavy going out of the major metropolis I live in. Anyway, he was madder than spit when I did show up and lost his temper. Accused me of playing silly games (and what does he call not giving me the copies of the "receipts" he had me sign and saying to the kids, "And what will you give me?" when they asked for some of their videos to take back?), called me a worthless bitch, and said that I was going to go to jail for being in violation of federal law - all in front of the kids.

*shakes head*

Getting the kids to him late is *NOT* a federal offense, but *NOT* paying child support *IS* and he owes us over $2000. I think someone pointed out to him that he was in danger of going to jail and his little brain couldn't handle the concept, so he twisted it in his mind that *I* was the one in the wrong. I did point out that it was a lot easy to be arrested for not paying child support than it was for being late. Obviously didn't help matters.

Anyway, while he was screaming at me, I told him that I was through arguing with him and that he could speak to my lawyer from now on. He yelled that he didn't have to speak to my lawyer and went back to calling me a worthless bitch and saying I was going to jail. I quietly went back to the truck and pulled out the envelope containing the note I wrote earlier and handed it to him without a word. He just tossed it in the back of his car - I don't know what he actually thought it was. We both went back to our vehicles and he screamed out his window "Worthless bitch!" as he drove off with my children.

I was rather upset by the whole thing, and before I left town, I called my lawyer's 800 number and left a message with the answering service he has detailing the encounter. I cried a few times on the way home and it was almost 2am when I finally got back to my place. I accidently hit an oppossum on the way back. I thought it was some rolled up newspaper until it looked up at me with glowing sky blue eyes. I tried to swerve, but I still hit it. It may had lived - I don't know. I was on a back road because of a detour and it was extremely dark. When I got home, I sent this to my ICQ friends:

Three hours ago I let a man, who was screaming that I was a worthless bitch at the top of his lungs, drive off with my children ...

Is it just me or is something very wrong with this picture?

Anyway, I spent the weekend worried that he was going to lose his temper with the kids or run off with them. Luckily, he was very nice to the kids and got them back to me on time. Either he realized he stepped over the line Friday night *or* he has convinced himself that I am going to jail for not complying to *his* wishes and thinks that this will make me look even worse. He also had our son hand back the money I gave him at Thanksgiving to get those "receipts" copied and mailed to me with the message that he didn't know where the papers were anymore. The man has lost the few marbles he had in the first place....

Yesterday, I was bored and tired - and found myself crying during lunch because I was feeling sad and sorry for myself. I wrote my best friend an email that she thought I should put up here, but after reading it, I thought I should edit it a little - to protect the innocent/guilty and so forth....

Boredom and a lack of sleep can do that to for a person. I just don't understand why the (religious leader) in (my husband's congregation) doesn't see what (he) has become. Surely he's not that good at pulling the wool over people's eyes. Or is it because he's so noncommunicative and simple, that people don't realize the depth of his denial?

Maybe this is a trial of my faith. I have faith in my (religious leader) and the leadership above him, but I don't understand how he can still be considered a faithful church member.

[this part was a conjucture that I do not wish to share here]

I guess I just feel a little miffed because I'm paying the price for being honest and he doesn't seem to be paying at all. I know that in the long run he'll be in worst shape, but I'm feeling a bit impatient lately and I'm tired of dealing with his denial.

I better just remind myself that the longer it takes to catch up with him the worse it will be, but honestly I don't want it to be worse, I just want it to be over.

I feel better now.

Don't know if it's because I expressed my doubts or because I was just given some work to do. I still want to curl up somewhere and take a nice nap.

That nap still sound good. So does a rubdown with Ben-gay...

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