Everything on here is purely symbolic and nothing more.

A Confession

Yes. I killed her.

I had no choice. Had I let her live, she would had destroyed both of us. She was a part of me I could not heal.

So, I walked into the castle. The guards knew me to be its true mistress and let me by with only a nod. Despite the warm sun outside, it was still chilly and damp in there. With my bundle under my arm, I went to her room.

I found her crumbled on the bed. Her eyes looked as if sleep was a distant memory. Her hair tumbled into her face. Her body shook as she tried to sit up. I laid my bundle on the bed and helped her up. She buried her head in my shoulder and sobbed. I held her as I had many of times before.

"It's no use," she said. "I can never be well."

"I know," I said softly.

"I still want to believe so badly, yet I know I can never believe again."

"I know."

"Was it so wrong for me to believe in the first place?"

I do not answer her. I do not know the answer. Instead I let go and pull out a rose colored gown.

"I thought you would look pretty in it," I said as I hold it up for her to see.

She stared at it with hollow eyes and sighed. I helped her into it. Then I sat her in front of the vanity and began to brush her hair.

"It is pretty," she said examining the bodice in the mirror, "but it won't change anything."

"I wasn't expecting it to."

"Nothing you have done to heal me has worked."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I know."

Her voice cracks. "I can't stand the pain anymore!"

I put down the brush and go back to the bundle. I pulled out a glass vial.

"What is that?" she asked.

"The only thing I could think of that will work now," I answered.

"Nothing else has worked."

"This will," I said softly.

She didn't believe me, but she drank it anyway. I began to brush her hair again.

"I do feel different," she said quietly.

"That's good," I said. "It means it's working."

She slumped over. I caught her before she fell to the floor. You see, I loved her dearly. If I could not save her mind and heart, I would not let her body be damaged. I picked her up in my arms and carried her to the castle's chapel. I laid her on the alter and commanded the guards to bring moss roses to cover it. I carefully arrange everything.

She was still so beautiful. I knelt at her side and I cried for her and her dreams. I cried until the early morning hours. A guard helped me to my room and I slept until the sun was high in the heavens. I bathed, dressed and ate. I walked into the chapel once more time, kissed her forehead and spoke her eulogy. Then I walked out into the main hall and past the front doors, pausing only to nod back to the guards. I knew they would protect her corpse.

With the pain gone, the sunshine lifted my heart and I found myself humming, despite my loss. Then I had a mischievious thought or vengeful or an evil one. Or maybe it was just a sense of justice. This world was mine to command. I pulled my cloak over my head, pulled out a gnarled wooden cane and walked stooped, taking on the appearance of an old woman. I walk to the crossroads where I came across a Don Quixote type of knight. I greeted him with a raspy voice.

When he told me he was looking for a princess, I shook my head sadly and said, "It is a shame. You are too late. There was a princess in the castle behind me, but she was in too much pain and they had to put her out of her misery."

He was shocked. "How could anyone do such a thing?"

"We had no choice. Her pain was too great."

"What could cause such pain?" he asked.

"Someone broke her heart beyond repair," I said.

His face became grim. "I will avenge this princess!" he said.

"If you must," I said, "then go to the castle and tell the guards that Ylana the witch sent you." I chose to use the name of a character of mine than my own, even though my story Ylana was a young woman of striking beauty. "They can take you to her body. And if you wish to know who did this to her, then take the right hall and look into the brass mirror hanging on the wall. It will show you his identity."

The knight, assuming I was talking of a magic mirror, went ahead and rode off. I continued walking along the road, humming happily to myself. Then I walked over a bridge and asked a man in a field if he knew of some place where an old woman could get a warm meal and a dry bed. He was a bit surly, but when I answered him with cheerfulness, he lightened up and told me about an inn down the road. Then he tossed me a coin and told me to eat well.

The Pilgrimage

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